{ Eleven Months }

My Little Dear,

 

Today you are eleven months old. I can't even believe it--and tomorrow marks one year since our first appointment at Children's Hospital, those hours and hours of ultrasounds and talking to specialists about all the special care you were going to need after you were born. And look at you now! The sweetest, happiest little blue-eyed girl ever!

 

You've been busy lately. Recently you tried corn on the cob, and--be still my heart--you loved it. Clearly you and I are descended from the same line of Idaho women who love their corn on the cob. You loved gnawing on the ear, even though you couldn't really get any kernels off.

Note: That's what a mommy with a knife is for.

 

 

You start wiggling as soon as you hear music--any music, even the ice cream truck outside.

 

You love to dig books out of your book basket and try to turn their pages. Someone actually reading the stories to you is interesting for about two seconds, then you're ready for a new book {hopefully with pages you can open and turn by yourself}. Grabbing books and turning pages: That's where the money's at.

 

You've cut four top teeth, bringing your grand total to six. I'm excited to see how having top and bottom teeth impacts your eating. You get frustrated when you can't chew up foods, so being able to chew more effectively will open up new gastronomic horizons!

 

Over the last three weeks or so, you've become fascinated with dogs. When you see a dog, you start growling or making "oof oof" noises. Often when we are out, you'll start wiggling and growling, and it takes me awhile to find the dog you've spotted! You're not sure about actually touching dogs, though: you inch closer and closer, and just as you're about to touch, you pull back. Lucky for us, we've only encountered friendly dogs so far.

 

Keys! Your new obsession. One day I made the mistake of letting you play with my keys, and now you think that as soon as we step outside, any keys on my person are your especial possession. You fuss and screech if I don't hand them over fast enough. Eventually I went to Ace Hardware and asked if I could buy some mis-cut keys for you to jingle. They very kindly gave you several, so now you have your own set of keys.

But. You still prefer mine. And have been know to lunge over my shoulder in vain attempts to reach into the diaper bag and find my keys. While I'm carrying you.

:: rifling through the diaper bag, and playing with keys--your favorite things to do ::

 

In the past few days, at mealtimes you've started offering me {or whoever is closest to you} whatever you're eating, stretching your hand out to me until I take whatever you've got. As far as I can tell, I'm supposed to hold it for a few seconds and then offer it back to you. Sometimes we exchange your food a few times before you eat it; sometimes it goes right in your mouth. But you definitely want to share it. It's so cute! 

 

You love to be "walked" around with someone holding your hands or supporting your armpits. You would walk everywhere this way if you could. Often you'll hold out your arms to me, your signal for "pick me up," and make it clear that you want to be walked to something. You don't want to roll, or scoot on your bottom {a skill you're just learning}; you want to walk there.

 

We've made lots of trips to the beach lately, some just the two of us and some with Daddy.

:: this was a bonfire with friends one evening ::

 

You really enjoy swings. Especially when the person pushing you is highly entertaining, like your papa.

:: melt.my.heart. ::

:: Ok, this one cracks me up. Don't you think

this is what she'll look like when she's a
little old lady? Owl hat and all! ::

 

:: I learned the hard way that a picnic blanket 

is a necessity--you start eating rocks the

minute I set you down! ::

 

You roll all over the place. Haven't figured out crawling, but you are thisclose to it! You have all the pieces, just haven't quite figured out how to put them together. On a side note, I've figured you out, girlfriend. If you've been rolling around the living room, talking and playing with your toys, and suddenly it gets quiet, one of two things is happening: You are either chewing on computer cords, or you've rolled under the mantel and are examining the {long, dangerous} nails the shoddy construction workers left sticking out.

 

{Don't worry, I took care of the power cord situation, and she's only rolled under the mantel once.}

:: "ME? Trouble? Never!" ::

 

You talk a lot, nonsense syllables with lots of emotion, facial expressions, and "mamadadabababa."

 

You are full of budding personality and sweet snuggles and hair that's all frizzy and crazy in the back when you get up from your nap. You are the cutest little Lainie-Bug, and I love you!

 

~Mama

{ Well, that was unplanned }

Thirteen days without a post! I'll have you know that I have a draft of a very respectable and oh-gee-don't-I-have-my-ducks-in-a-row post about how I made myself a chore chart and it's revolutionized my addiction to penchant for housework, and THEN my sweet mother-in-law gave me a book for Mother's Day. It's this book, which I've been wanting for months, and she didn't even know it but thought it looked perfect for me!

source

 

I started reading and I.can't.stop. I can't stop, folks! As a matter of fact, this book prompted my spontaneous decision to take down EVERY SINGLE PHOTO hanging on EVERY WALL in our entire home and start over. I will spare you the juicy details of how I traced templates of every single frame onto paper grocery bags, spent days tweaking the arrangement on the wall, and then conquered my fear of the level and created a gallery wall all by myself. {Or maybe I won't. It all depends on whether or not I ever get around to taking photos, editing them, and uploading them to blogger.} This book is also responsible for several new pieces of art made by yours truly and a new look for the bathroom. The only thing that stopped me was the realization that when your home is only 900-ish square feet, it starts looking "full"--too busy--really quickly. It doesn't take much decorating to make our living/dining room area feel "loud." I actually removed four photos from my new gallery wall the day after I put them up, and I'm in the process of editing down the rest of the decor to help "quiet the space." {Thank you, Nester, for that concept.}

 

My hope is to share photos, just because I'm so darn excited and happy with how things turned out, not because I think it's amazing or that y'all are dying to see it. But that does require me to remember to take photos when the light is decent, and then to have time to upload them and write a coherent blog post. I'll have you know {sheesh, second time I've said that today!} that I am putting off washing the dishes--perhaps till tomorrow--to write this post. You're welcome. You should feel special because I'm kind of addicted to cleanliness in the form of a clean, tidy kitchen.

 

There are heaps of photos on my camera that I want to share--Mother's Day with the cutest little chubby almost-11-month-old girl {can you believe that!!}, and other things that I can't even remember because they happened so long ago. Something about springtime and going on evening walks and spending afternoons at the park makes blogging take a back burner. This week has been cold and rainy, hence blogging is actually happening. ;-)

 

By the way, do you have any recommendations for good, enjoyable fiction for Mike or myself to read? We've finally squeezed in a wee vacation next month, just a few days on the Washington coast, and we want to read something fun and light while we're there, but we need suggestions! Think Robin McKinley-type stuff for both of us...plus L.M. Montgomery/Louisa May Alcott for me, and those crazy sci-fi books {Xanth, I think?} for Mike. Thanks bunches!

 

And now, I'm going to upload some of those photos before Little Miss wakes from her nap. Cheerio!

{ Five Minute Friday: Comfort }

Joining the many writing for Five Minute Friday, linking up at Lisa-Jo's blog. This week's prompt: Comfort.

Go.
Freshly vacuumed carpet. A bed that's made. A good book and a cup of coffee laced with cream and sugar. My mom's macaroni and cheese, or new potatoes and peas. A sunny afternoon at the park. A bookstore. Catching up with friends--those conversations that last for hours, feel like minutes, and leave you with a tummy ache from all the laughing. These things are like a long, slow, exhale. They make me feel safe. Relaxed. They're comforting.

My husband's idea of comfort is often quite different from mine. A cheeseburger or a steak--medium rare, please. A cold glass of beer. Snuggling on the couch, feet up, watching his favorite TV shows on Hulu. Playing pool or smoking a cigar with friends.

For Lainie, I'm pretty sure "comfort" means a nice long snuggle while she drinks mama-milk. Not having a diaper change. Mommy or daddy's undivided attention. Unlimited yogurt and scrambled eggs.

It's one of the things we're learning to balance as a family of three--how to enjoy the small things in life with each other, how to see the world through one another's eyes, how to value another's comfort and enjoyment over our own.

Stop.

{ Five Minute Friday: Brave }

Linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five Minute Friday. This week's prompt: Brave.

Go.

It didn't seem brave at the time. It had been my plan/hope/goal/dream ever since deciding to pursue a college degree: One day, I'll get married and start having babies, and I will stay home with my babies. I want to. That's all I've ever wanted to do.

It was an easy choice then, and when I lost my job 18 months ago--a week before finding out I was pregnant with Lainie--the choice practically made itself. We've talked over the months, Mike and I, about whether or not I should keep up my continuing medical education credits {CMEs} and my professional certification, even while I'm a stay at home mom, "just in case." Just so I don't have to re-take the board exams if, by some disaster, I ever need to go back to work. But CMEs cost money, and maintaining my license is a couple hundred dollars a year, and neither of us WANT this. We both WANT me to stay home...so why spend so much time and money on a worst-case scenario?

But then I got the letter. And another. And finally a certified letter, hand-delivered by our mailman because it required my signature. Reminding me that I am no longer a registered sonographer, that I'm no longer current on my CMEs, that I'll have to re-take the board exams if I want to work as a sonographer again. They were clearly trying to make me think this is an awful, final, drastic, horrible choice I'm making.

And then I realized: I may not feel like this is brave, but maybe others do. Maybe me choosing to be a full-time mom looks brave to someone else, to a mom who is struggling with what choice to make, to a dad who is afraid to be the sole provider. Maybe being brave isn't always something you feel or know about yourself. Maybe sometimes you're brave in the eyes of another. Maybe sometimes someone else sees your bravery so they have the courage to do their own hard thing.

That's worth all the certified letters in the world.

Stop.

{ Ten Months }

Lainie turned ten months old last week, and over and over I've found myself exclaiming to her papa, "She looks like a big girl now!"

Maybe it's that when she's in her carseat, she leans as far forward as she can and actually looks out the side windows. Maybe it's that she is finally too heavy for me to carry up and down the condo stairs in her carseat, so now the carseat lives in one car or the other. Something's changed about her face too--she's just looking more and more like a little person, less and less like an infant.

Then there's the clapping, which she learned how to do on April 17--the day before my thirtieth birthday. It still delights and fascinates her to no end that she can slap her hands together and make noise--every single time she tries! Often she randomly starts clapping, and the ecstatic grin on her face is priceless. She especially loves it when others join in {or initiate} clapping with her. I can just imagine her thinking, "Wow, they all know how to do it, too!"

About two and a half weeks ago, Lainie realized she can get to things she wants by rolling to them. For the first time in her life, she doesn't stay exactly where I put her until I pick her up and move her. Crazy times for both the small girl and her mother! I have a feeling, given the scoochy movements she attempts when she's on her tummy, that she's not far from crawling.

:: playing with mama's birthday balloon ::

She's graduated to big girl baths, in the kitchen sink or the bathtub, out of sheer necessity: She is longer than the baby tub. Her head practically dangles off one end.

Speaking of that darling little head, her hair is starting to grow in. You'd never know unless you've seen her sweet little almost-bald noggin daily; it's only by comparison to a few months ago that one can say her hair is getting long and thick. Which are two facts Mike and I exclaim over regularly. Sometimes it's all frizzy from rubbing on the sheet when she wakes up in the morning. Especially these couple of wild hairs on top--there are just a few of them, but they are a couple inches long!

We've been making lots of little trips to the beach on nice afternoons. Lainie finds dogs, seagulls, and pigeons fascinating {which may or may not be because those are the only animals she's seen in person!}. She makes little "oof oof" noises at all of them--it is beyond precious. Once, instead of just strolling our way along with her in the stroller, I carried her and set her down at intervals on the rocky beach. Not such a good idea: all the girl wanted to do was put rocks in her mouth. We are sticking to the stroller or sitting on logs for now! There is a nice little playground too, and yesterday I put her in a swing for the first time. She was alternately giddy with laughter when I pushed her, or studying her surroundings from this new vantage point very, very seriously.

:: "I can't reach any rocks..." ::

At nine months, I weaned Lainie from night feedings, and the transition was surprisingly smooth. Immediately she started sleeping till 5-6am, and now--for the most part--she sleeps until 7-8am before waking. The past few nights she's been teething, but I kind of don't want to talk about it because she is such an easy teether, I don't want other mamas to get jealous!

...
...

...

...ok, ok, I'll tell you. When Lainie's teething, she wakes up once at night crying...and no matter how you try to soothe her, nurse her, give her Tylenol, etc., she will be awake for about an hour and fifteen minutes {fitfully, clearly tired and trying to sleep} before finally falling asleep. She wakes up at her normal time, takes super long naps during the day, and after a few days, TA-DA! A tooth shows up! She is the most ridiculously easy teether I've ever heard of. She cut her third tooth last Friday, fourth tooth on Monday, and fifth tooth today {Tuesday}. I fully expect tooth #6 to pop through in the next day or two--I can see it bulging through her gums!

We've taken Lainie to restaurants and to friends' houses for dinner a number of times recently, and she does remarkably well. It's so nice to be able to go out to eat, or to a party, and know that some finger foods in her high chair will keep her happy and well-fed. I think she feels secure in her high chair--and I am so glad we chose to get the portable kind that buckles onto a regular chair! We take it with us everywhere.

Lainie loves to eat oatmeal mixed with yogurt, applesauce, bananas, hummus, rice cakes, cheerios, and bread of any kind. She likes fruit, some veggies, and things that are more flavorful/spicy, but not so much meat and eggs right now. It's so interesting to me how she really does seem to go through eating "phases" like I've read.

Recently there have been lots of "conversations." She'll say the same syllable or two over and over, varying the speed, inflection, and tone so that it sounds like she's carrying on a real conversation. If I respond, either in English or baby talk, she responds to me, and often gets more and more worked up till she's practically yelling, her lil eyebrows furrowed and waving her hands around for emphasis.

It's such fun being ten months old!

{ where I'm going from here }

A few weeks ago I told you why I haven't been posting as much recently. {Besides the obvious one--the almost-ten-month-old reason why I don't have time for a lot of things I used to do before she was born!} To all of you who read, thank you for listening to my heart. To those who responded, thank you for sharing your perspectives. {I replied to your comments in the comments section of that post.} It really, really helped me to see this from your viewpoints, helped me get outside the little ruts in my brain and think about it from another perspective. Thank you.

I'm not quitting blogging. It's the most realistic creative outlet I've got right now, I enjoy it, and honestly, I never intended to stop--I'm just re-aligning my parameters. {Realistic meaning I actually do it...it's not messy...no clean-up required...no supplies to shop for...doesn't cost anything...I can do it any time of day or night when I have access to a computer. I can spend five minutes or two hours. Blogging really is kind of the perfect "hobby" for mamas who are verbal and visual and feel overwhelmed every time they look at their bins of scrapbook supplies and think, Rats, I'm SIX YEARS BEHIND.}

So, yeah. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just maybe not going to post quite as much about Lainie. Mike and I have discussed it, and I think there is a balance to be found here. I don't want to go psycho and give our kids fake names and go out of my way to camouflage every personal detail that I possibly can. That's taking what started as a healthy desire to protect and turning it into a something ugly and burdensome and unnecessary. At the same time, I'm not going to glibly spill every single little adorable tidbit about her and us. {That would bore everyone except me and Mike, anyway.} There is a point where I need to stop being too serious and worrying about whether or not that photo I posted of Lainie at 2.5 months old is going to somehow ruin her life when she's in college. I think I'm working toward that point. ;-)

So here are some recent snapshots of Life with Lainie:

:: quite proud of what she can accomplish, given some chili and a little time ::

 

:: helping mama test batteries on tea lights for the Good Friday service ::

 

:: her standard pose after eating ::

 

This kid just gets cuter and cuter every day. Last Wednesday, the day before my birthday, she learned how to clap, and I'm pretty sure she thinks it is the coolest thing that has ever happened. When she starts clapping, she totally forgets whatever she was doing and gets a huge smile on her face. And if the people around her start clapping too? You should see her delight! I can't even believe she will be ten months old on Saturday. This weekend also marks one year since we found out that she had a diaphragmatic hernia. Yep, that just-for-fun 3D ultrasound was on the last Friday of April. Again, crazy--how has it been a year? That means it's been a year since we finished the childbirth class, a year since I was 30 weeks pregnant, a year since life suddenly jolted down a path we never, ever imagined.

 

Thank You, Jesus, for that path. Thank You for going before us down that path. Thank You that Your plans are so much bigger and better and more glorious than ours! And thank You for going before me down this blogging path...You know where it's going to lead so much better than I do.

{ a letter to April }

Oh, April: You always enchant me. I'd like to think it's not just because you're my birthday month. Though I'm sure the presence of gifts around April 18 does enhance your allure.

You are so full of promise. You come bearing a little more sunshine, a little less rain, temperatures a few degrees higher than your predecessor, March. Sure, stiff breezes may skip through those sunny days; these golden sun-filled hours may be chillier than I expect; but I smell spring on your breezes. Cherry and apple trees literally burst into blossom, spilling their delicate, breathtaking extravagance into the air and onto the ground. You may not be full-blown spring here in the Pacific Northwest, but you bear the promise. You bring the first glorious lungfuls of fresh grass...rain-splattered warm air...cherry blossoms...apple blossoms...daffodils and tulips and that indescribable scent that whispers Spring is coming!

With your advent comes longer days. Oh sweet bliss of springtime sunsets, of waking with the sun instead of hours before its arrival. This, of course, also means that it's broad daylight when it's time for Lainie to go to bed. Which in turn means that her nursery is now decorated with the most unfashionable dark brown blanket clothespinned to the curtain rod. If anyone reading knows where I can find blackout curtains that aren't hideously ugly and prohibitively expensive, please do share. The fact that I prefer a fuzzy brown blanket over her window to the blackout drapes I've found speaks volumes to how ugly and expensive they are!

You also bring with you asparagus, and strawberries that don't cost a small fortune, and make me want to wear dresses and gallivant about with a crown of flowers in my hair. {The dresses bit the world can handle, the flower crown I think not so much.} Lainie and I have gone to the beach a couple of times in the past week, and if you continue to provide such lovely weather, I hope to haul us down there every day that I possibly can. Probably not on grocery day, because that task pretty much uses up all my schlepping abilities by itself.

Birthday cards are still rimming countertops. Gerber daisies are still perking up the dining table. Windows are opened as frequently as possible to let the fresh air come in and play. Oh April, you are good to us. I'm going to miss you, come May.